Showing posts with label Cheryl Cole. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheryl Cole. Show all posts

Sunday, January 31, 2010

DLD Crash : Hunter S. Lives!

Advertising, Michael Conrad and Leo Burnett, Cheryl Cole, Jonathan Harris, Marketing, Playboy bunnies, DLD, internet,  - David Everitt-Carlson

As of this writing, the Technorati story covering the opening of DLD (Digital.Life.Design) in Munich is #1 on Google if you search the term "DLD Munich", and that even beats the BusinessWeek blog by a couple of positions, but to know what a miracle that is would be to know what the Technorati writer had to go through just to get the damn thing. Hearing about the conference from CNBC just days before, said writer, went immediately to the DLD website only to be told that reservations had been closed days earlier and press verification closed in December of 09. So why TF were they running ads the week before if reservations were already closed? Cause CNBC was a 'conference partner' and those were free slots? Good guess. Partner agreement partially satisfied.

Advertising, Michael Conrad and Leo Burnett, Cheryl Cole, Jonathan Harris, Marketing, Playboy bunnies, DLD, internet, 'Evil Plans' - Hugh MacLeod

But the writer was justifiably unsatisfied and justifiably so - so he set about instituting an 'Evil Plan' to get press creds to cover the event. Writer's Evil Plan detailed here:

1) Write Technorati Executive Editor and request approval to cover event

2) Write DLD press contact and apologize for being late and request to cover event

3) Read all 150 bios for speakers, find as many emails as possible, and write to speakers directly saying he was sorry you might not be able to see them at the event because press accreditation had closed.

4) Write to DLD affiliate Xing and see if contacts there could slide him into the event organized by their parent company.

5) Write blog post detailing said event and wonder if writer would be able to cover it or not due to late notice and closed registration. 5b) Suggest in blog post that writer might have to cover the event as Hunter S. Thompson covered the Pulitzer Divorce trial in the 80s from a bar down the street, if writer couldn't get proper press credentials . 5c) Circulate blog post liberally: Digg, Mixx, Facebook, DailyRadar, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Reddit, Tumblr, FriendFeed et al. 5d) Forward blog post to DLD press contact.

6) Wait. Sharpen Gonzo quill pen just in case...

Evil plans like the one above are fun and take virtually all night to do but not a single one of the strategies above would be a sure bet because this particular writer was not only way late to the party, but didn't know one single person in the flesh who could help him. Maybe the sheer mass of shit thrown up against the wall would get something to stick.

Results:

1) Technorati returns mail inside of 10 minutes with message, "Go for it!"

2) Forward Technorati mail to DLD press contact

3) Mail from 2 speakers returned in 4 hours with encouragement

4) DLD affiliate Xing sends regrets but even some of them can't get into the event - Thinks Technorati affiliation should do it

5) Blog post gathers hits and messages of encouragement

6) Email from DLD press contact approves press pass (with conditions) in roughly 24 hours

Deal done, but there are conditions - the conditions being that it's a pass limited to only the first day of a three-day conference with the added bonus of a fairly posh party the following night with British singer Cheryl Cole taking the entertainment spot that Lady Gaga had occupied the previous year.

Cheryl Cole - David Everitt-Carlson

Our writer considers the conditions of the conditions and rightfully decides that negotiation is not a profitable option considering that this particular conference is considered to be particularly snotty and Munich itself has proven to have been particularly snotty on other occasions involving significant expense, celebrity, and corporate snottiness. Take the deal he says. It might be the best one can get during a global economic crisis. But crisis, it turns out to be, would be the farthest thing from people's minds at the actual event. Entry fees were reported to have been around $3k for three days so if the writer got in for 1/3 of that, that's a grand in market value for a night's worth of writing and emailing and at least one story. Fair enough.

But is it fair to either the writer or the event to try to cover a three-day event in a third of the time? That would remain to be seen. Anticipating that all the other early-vetted journalists would have plenty of time for interviews and proper story submission the intrepid Technorati writer spends the next couple of days preparing an interview form and posting it on the web in hopes of engaging the speakers early and getting interview commitments early. (Technorati DLD Interview ) He gets one commitment so that's a go, right? Almost.

Burda - (c) David Everitt-CarlsonAdvertising, Michael Conrad and Leo Burnett, Cheryl Cole, Jonathan Harris, Marketing, Playboy bunnies, DLD, internet, Stilts - c David Everitt-Carlson

Day one at the conference proves to be a complete and total media circus. 800+ guests, 100 speakers and who knows how many journos. If they weren't carting a camera it was either a laptop a palmtop, iPhone or next generation Dick Tracy watch. The place needed signs warning people with pacemakers. It was a digital madhouse and decked out with enough German security to bring back fond memories of Steve McQueen in 'The Great Escape' - but these guards weren't in the business of keeping people in - their job was to keep people out and they were good at it. All on the inside sported neck lanyards and plastic ID badges with blue for journos, red for participants and a bit of a fusia colour for speakers, making it a real challenge to tell the interview subjects from the hoi poloi, and looking for expensive Italian loafers wasn't going to help either. There were more of those on the guests than there would have been on the panelists or presenters. The writer pauses, considers the waters, checks the packed schedule, and realizes he'll be lucky to cover the main event, let alone interview anyone.

A check in the press room reveals a live video stream for the event and a pack of writers just phoning it in from the Starship Enterprise bridge of the place. If our writer had half a brain he might have considered the same thing - it all came down to which half he would bring to the event that day. Luckily he had used up the left in pre-planning and only had the right left. Creativity and serendipity became his journalistic hemispheres for the day. The spirit of the good Dr. Thompson was indeed a felt presence. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Advertising, Michael Conrad and Leo Burnett, Cheryl Cole, Jonathan Harris, Marketing, Playboy bunnies, DLD, internet, Interesting - (c) Hugh MacLeod

In conversations that day and continuing on to the lalapalooza Red Bull and liquor sucking festival the next evening, the writer tells his tale of getting into the whole shebang in the first place. "That's an amazing story", exclaims one attendee, "You've got to meet Peter Hirshberg. He was chairman of Technorati!". "No shit", responds the writer, "They got me here, maybe he got me here." On meeting Hirshberg the writer regales him with the story of how he came to cover the event and drink enough Red Bull to get an Iggy Pop physique in under 4 hours. Hirshberg, nonplussed simply responds, "Only a day pass? You should have told them you were flying in from New York to do it and they would have laid on the full package."

But a blogger that no one at all had known just a few days prior had worked, cajoled and snagged himself a legal invite the most sought after event in Europe, short of the econ summit in Davos on the last week of January in the year of 2010.

When asked how he felt about the whole affair, the writer responded, "Forget DLD next year. I'm going to start working on Davos now - and get them to do it with all bills paid - Clinton and Gates."

Had the organizers seen fit to have given him more than a one day pass they could have gotten so much more than the brief rundown they received. But then again, had that happened the writer wouldn't have had near as fun on those stories as he did on this one. Long live the Blogosphere.

Advertising, Michael Conrad and Leo Burnett, Cheryl Cole, Jonathan Harris, Marketing, Playboy bunnies, DLD, internet, DLD.Stilts3 - (c) David Everitt-Carlson

Friday, January 29, 2010

Gonzo DLD: Stream of Subconsciousness III


DLD, Hunter S. Thompson, Winter of Love, Jimmy Wales, Burda Media, Munich, Jonathan Harris, Donovan, Cheryl Cole, TED, "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!'" -- Hunter S Thompson O And my good friend RC shits on me for doing a pansy job on the DLD reporting. Unfortunately he's right. Enjoying things like food and shelter caused me to NOT play Hunter S. Thompson at a conference that could have used it. O Rewind. O "God. I hate you. I hate you until the end of my life in that way, David". This came from someone who had previously been the closest person in my life. It looks like I'm well on my way to living the life Dr. Thompson suggested. Pretty beat up, but I don't want to live with this person's hate so I told her that I would only love her until the end of my life, that I had no hate to give. Why do I think she won't care. O It snows all night in Munich but the Germans are so fucking efficient that by the time I awake, they've gone and mechanically cleaned even the walk out of my house, so I have no fun at all plowing with my feet tDLD, Hunter S. Thompson, Winter of Love, Jimmy Wales, Burda Media, Munich, Jonathan Harris, Donovan, Cheryl Cole, TED, hrough fresh snow. Something wrong about that. O Being a journalist at a conference is a whole lot different than being a participant. It's like being the catering staff. Oh sure, you can eat the food, and have as many drinks as you like but it's always obvious, from the tag hanging around your neck, that you're staff and not guest - more like a professional mosquito. O 01.25.10, 10pm - The Star Party at DLD begins. One thing I do like about Germans is that they don't like to get real soirees going too early and prefer to let everyone stay up until 5am and thoroughly waste themselves. When you see the photo of Cheryl Cole, our songstress for the evening, here no that's not poor photography - that's what she really looked like - and all the other fuzzy photos too. O Not five minutes into the conference I realize that I am not only dealing with the type of German security that made WWII prison camps famous, but that this is a prison designed to keep poor people out. Tickets went for a reported $3000 for not quite 3 days and this is not the TED Talks. They've got Bill Gates this year and we've got Donovan? No slight to Donovan, but in the paraphrased words of Senator Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle, "Donovan, you're no Bill Gates". O And in another letter from the fallen love DLD, Hunter S. Thompson, Winter of Love, Jimmy Wales, Burda Media, Munich, Jonathan Harris, Donovan, Cheryl Cole, TED, - "How can I know that I am not part of your marketing, business plan, like always in your life?" I always thought I could separate business and personal fairly well, but here I am in the middle of probably The Most Commercial event of the year, short of Oktoberfest, in Munich (Bunny photo by Jonathan HarrDLD, Hunter S. Thompson, Winter of Love, Jimmy Wales, Burda Media, Munich, Jonathan Harris, Donovan, Cheryl Cole, TED, is) and being judged by someone on that. I'm just trying to do my job. Why don't people understand that you leave that work at the office. I am frustrated by this. O And then there's the idea that for a three day conference, I got a pass for 1/2 a day and a big freaking party. Even with no Bill Gates how am I going to cover over 100 speakers and the ensuing events? Answer = I'm not. O And one of the speakers, a really nice guy and computer scientist spends well more than an hour macking on a girl in a room full of drunk techies. This IS fun. O We blow a joint outside and Jimmy Wales talks to some guy's Indian girlfriend on the guy's iPhone. O The fucking robot is annoying. Shit, there was a goddamn robot at CES in Chicago in 92. Can't somebody get a new friggin' idea? O Funny, I have a copy of Hunter Thompson's "The Rum Diaries" which I caught the girl who hates me reading one day. Is that why she hates me? O For as much Winter of Love they wanted to inspire in this conference it is all too apparent that this crowd is wealthy as fuck. Everybody. Jonathan Harris, who was a DLD speaker, stDLD, Hunter S. Thompson, Winter of Love, Jimmy Wales, Burda Media, Munich, Jonathan Harris, Donovan, Cheryl Cole, TED, ates it best when he moved on to Davos for the World Economic Forum just a day after and quoted a Nobel Prize winner he met, "She was saying how she thought Davos was mostly bullshit, and how people only talk about changing poverty so they don't have to change themselves. "Talk, talk, talk," she said. "I'm only interested in talk that turns into action. All of this talk about adding conscience to capitalism is ridiculous. These guys just want to convince people they care about others, which they don't, and then get back to making money as fast as they can."- This was a lot of what DLD was - a lot of people who were doing extremely well talking about being altruistic and a lot of other people who paid, or whose companies paid, 3K a pop to get them in. O Gotta love Capitalism. O But wait, why am I there? Same. Same, same, same. O And will bloggers change the world? Sadly, this event makes me feel no. Even I kissed butt to get a ticket so what does that say about me? But more importantly, this is an event, hosted by a wealthy and powerful media company to court a new industry, digital media, that they don't do very well in...yet. But they can buy their way in, and they are. And everyone in new media needs funding, and once you have funding, you have a boss, essentially. So will bloggers save the universe? No, not if they want to eat. O Circus stilt performers pretty much screw the Donovan image the conference set up the day before. Red Bull is free and so are all the cocktails. A shitload of cocktails. O In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. -- Richard Bach O And I sit and wait for a mail from the girl who hates me - because I don't think she knows that all of this bullshit is just the way business is. Bullshit. And nothing more. O


For more in the Stream of SubConsciousness series, click here:

Stream of SubConsciousness I

The Wild Wild East Dailies


D a v i d E v e r i t t - C a r l s o n
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