Showing posts with label Alcoholic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alcoholic. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2009

Presidential Puppy In Rehab After Just A Week!

Alcoholic, Drinking, Family, Malia, Michelle, Obama, Political Satire, Puppy, Rehab, Sasha, Ted KennedyNews of the Obama's new puppy, Bo, spread like wildfire last week and easily beat the crap out of any stories from the G20 summit or the prez's recent South American trip. But news of the pooch's drinking problem was considered classified and received a "no comment" from Secret Service contacts deep inside the White House. President Obama promised his daughters Malia and Sasha that they'd be getting a puppy on the night he won the election back in November 2008 - he's six months old and is a Portuguese water dog - but what the Obama's didn't count on were hereditary traits passed on in the same lineage as Sen. Ted Kennedy's canine compatriots.
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"He's a complete lush", said a staffer who wished to remain anonymous, "From sun-up to sun-down he hangs around the White House bar in the basement, plays Amy Winehouse, and can kill a fifth of Scotch easily by noon. His afternoons are spent sleeping it off, usually".

Alcoholic, Drinking, Family, Malia, Michelle, Obama, Political Satire, Puppy, Rehab, Sasha, Ted KennedyThe dog's drinking has been a huge news story in America, and even on Friday President Obama was being asked about it. Some websites were reporting the Obamas found the dog passed out on day one and when a journalist asked the President about it he said: "Oh, man, now, that's top secret." The Betty Fido clinic will be the site of the dog's rehabilitation plan and the Obama's hope to retain posession of a "clean and sober" Bo after a thorough twelve step program. Looking years into the future one can also see a resemblance between the puppy and Kennedy once his hair, the puppy's that is, turns grey. No plans for Kennedy's rehabilitation have been announced.

For more on Obama, click below:

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Posted by David Everitt-Carlson at 6:21 AM View Comments
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas!

Budweiser, Ho, McCain, Obama, Alcoholic, News, Politics, Opinion, brewski, Buddha, Beer, rednecks, bubbas"I was disappointed to learn that Anheuser-Busch has agreed to be sold to InBev. Anheuser-Busch is an American icon and this sale could threaten thousands of rednecks in Missouri," Obama said in a statement. "While we cannot and should not pass a law to prevent this kind of sale, we could have and should have done everything possible to have found an American buyer and kept both the bubba's and poor black men drinking our home brew," Obama said.

"That means laying the right conditions for a stronger American economy instead of letting a bunch of Belgians brew our beer and control our lowest IQ level citizens."

"Personally, I'm going to start drinking anything that's not a Bud or a Miller, cause they're owned by foreigners", he continued, "and I'm going to start smoking Marlboros, just because we make em'."

"Ya know we hommies gotta stick together," he stated further, feeling more and more himself as he downed yet another frosty St. Louis beverage. "This change crap was just a campaign gimmick. I don't wanna change no brewski brotha! Yo, gimme a break cracka! You think I meant throw the baby out with the bathwater? Nah. I just wanted dat ho, Billary, off mah back."

John McCain immediately called Obama a delusional alcoholic Nigerian, as McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, stands to reap a windfall benefit from the sale of Anheiser-Busch. Cindy McCain, together with dependents, owns between 40,000 and 80,000 shares -- figures which were calculated by Reuters. At the offer price of $70 a share, those shares would be worth $2.8 million to $5.6 million.

Neither campaign could be immediately reached for comment.


For more on Obama, click below:

Obama to Send 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods House

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:





Posted by David Everitt-Carlson at 5:03 AM View Comments
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