T H E W I L D W I L D E A S T D A I L I E S: Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas!

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"I was disappointed to learn that Anheuser-Busch has agreed to be sold to InBev. Anheuser-Busch is an American icon and this sale could threaten thousands of rednecks in Missouri," Obama said in a statement. "While we cannot and should not pass a law to prevent this kind of sale, we could have and should have done everything possible to have found an American buyer and kept both the bubba's and poor black men drinking our home brew," Obama said.

"That means laying the right conditions for a stronger American economy instead of letting a bunch of Belgians brew our beer and control our lowest IQ level citizens."

"Personally, I'm going to start drinking anything that's not a Bud or a Miller, cause they're owned by foreigners", he continued, "and I'm going to start smoking Marlboros, just because we make em'."

"Ya know we hommies gotta stick together," he stated further, feeling more and more himself as he downed yet another frosty St. Louis beverage. "This change crap was just a campaign gimmick. I don't wanna change no brewski brotha! Yo, gimme a break cracka! You think I meant throw the baby out with the bathwater? Nah. I just wanted dat ho, Billary, off mah back."

John McCain immediately called Obama a delusional alcoholic Nigerian, as McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, stands to reap a windfall benefit from the sale of Anheiser-Busch. Cindy McCain, together with dependents, owns between 40,000 and 80,000 shares -- figures which were calculated by Reuters. At the offer price of $70 a share, those shares would be worth $2.8 million to $5.6 million.

Neither campaign could be immediately reached for comment.

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