Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I Woke Up Drunk Today: Sweet Dreams VI - Interpretation Please

I woke up drunk today, at 9pm and I could feel all the woosiness of being drunk. But I wasn't drunk, I had just been taking a nap and been dreaming I was drunk. My old buddies from college, Richmond and Wellman and people from early in my career like Dwelle and Valz have missed our train back to civilization from some holiday destination. The are two half eaten hamburger crescents and I am hungry. A large, soft woman with full lips and absolutely gargantuan breasts presses up against me. She is soft and hungry. A wetwarm kiss like a kiss from the largest mother nature you have ever seen ensues. She is beautiful. I am enveloped. A pelvic press. I know who she is now, but I cannot tell you. We must stay for another day because of the train miss, but that's not so bad. Only problem is we are out of beer and probably out of money for beer. And then I wake up.


For more Sweet Dreams Click below:

VI: I Woke Up Drunk Today
V: Homecoming
IV: All In A Mouse's Night
III: Fragmented Fermentations
II: Strange Dreams
I: White Huskies: Interpretation please?






Posted by David Everitt-Carlson at 10:42 AM View Comments
Labels: , , , , , , ,

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Belgian Prime Minister quits over Budweiser purchase - endorses Obama!

belgium, premier, eves-leterme, quits, budweiser-purchase, shitty-beer, obama, drunkBRUSSELS, Belgium — Belgium's government collapsed Tuesday, unable to resolve an enduring divide over the purchase of Budweiser. The gap was so wide the premier, Yves Leterme, suggested the end of Belgium as a country was looming. King Albert II immediately began political discussions with lawmakers to try to resolve the situation. In an unusual declaration, the premier quit and said Belgium's constitutional crisis stems from the fact that "Budweiser is one of the crappiest beers in the world!"

"This is absolute madness. Here we are, a country famous for great beer and we're buying this swill? Gimme a f%#*^ng break!" Leterme added. "The stuff's made with rice!"

Leterme failed to get his cabinet -- an unwieldy alliance of Christian Democrats, Libobama, bud, budweiser, beer, shitty-beer, rednecks, drunk-president, drunk-candidate, barack-obama, st.-Louis, beverageerals, Socialists and nationalist Stella Artois drinkers that took office March 20 -- to agree on a better beer to buy than Budweiser. Vice-premier Didier Reynders urged him to stay on, saying the government must go ahead with its domination of world beers program. Elio di Rupo, leader of the Francophone Socialists, said the lackluster lager reform negotiations were held in a "constructive, positive and extremely fluid climate." But mainstream Flemish parties -- including Leterme's own Christian Democrats -- accused French-speaking parties of not knowing crap about good beer. "Go ahead, name a decent French beer, you morons!", they collectively voiced.

In a separate announcement Leterme endorsed Barack Obama for US President and indicated he would now be free to accept a Vice Presidential nod from Obama.

"He's the only American who's got his head screwed obama, bud, budweiser, beer, shitty-beer, rednecks, drunk-president, drunk-candidate, barack-obama, st.-Louis, beverage, eves-leterme, belgium, quitson straight", he opined, "America needs to learn to keep it's crap to itself, even if a bunch of numb-nuts from a small European monarchy are dim enough to want to buy it." The Obama camp responded with stock PR release stating the candidate was feeling "retinal fatigue and slightly under the weather" after his strong support for retaining the American brewing powerhouse over the weekend. No comment on Leterme's resignation or VP opportunity was offered.

For more on Obama, click below:

Obama to Send 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods House

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:





Posted by David Everitt-Carlson at 5:51 AM View Comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas!

Budweiser, Ho, McCain, Obama, Alcoholic, News, Politics, Opinion, brewski, Buddha, Beer, rednecks, bubbas"I was disappointed to learn that Anheuser-Busch has agreed to be sold to InBev. Anheuser-Busch is an American icon and this sale could threaten thousands of rednecks in Missouri," Obama said in a statement. "While we cannot and should not pass a law to prevent this kind of sale, we could have and should have done everything possible to have found an American buyer and kept both the bubba's and poor black men drinking our home brew," Obama said.

"That means laying the right conditions for a stronger American economy instead of letting a bunch of Belgians brew our beer and control our lowest IQ level citizens."

"Personally, I'm going to start drinking anything that's not a Bud or a Miller, cause they're owned by foreigners", he continued, "and I'm going to start smoking Marlboros, just because we make em'."

"Ya know we hommies gotta stick together," he stated further, feeling more and more himself as he downed yet another frosty St. Louis beverage. "This change crap was just a campaign gimmick. I don't wanna change no brewski brotha! Yo, gimme a break cracka! You think I meant throw the baby out with the bathwater? Nah. I just wanted dat ho, Billary, off mah back."

John McCain immediately called Obama a delusional alcoholic Nigerian, as McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, stands to reap a windfall benefit from the sale of Anheiser-Busch. Cindy McCain, together with dependents, owns between 40,000 and 80,000 shares -- figures which were calculated by Reuters. At the offer price of $70 a share, those shares would be worth $2.8 million to $5.6 million.

Neither campaign could be immediately reached for comment.


For more on Obama, click below:

Obama to Send 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods House

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:





Posted by David Everitt-Carlson at 5:03 AM View Comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

The Wild Wild East Dailies

Loading...

D a v i d E v e r i t t - C a r l s o n
-------------------------------------------------
Find me on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn. Read my blog: The Wild Wild East Dailies and keep up on our efforts with aSaigon/CreativeMorning.