MENSA endorses McCain/Palin

In a unilateral announcement, American MENSA members have released the following video/press release endorsing the McCain/Palin ticket. And this is fairly amazing considering that MENSA members rarely speak, as opposed to AA members, who can't seem to shut the f up. Sarah Palin was really sort of pissed she couldn't be in the video. She really loves to be on TV.

Now don't think that this is some Aljazeera video, released from a cave in Northern Pakistan, with no video markings or clear understanding of the time of making. And it's not a "Borat" out-take either. This is a documented Mensa meeting with at least two of the three participants actively participating, save the man, who keeps trying to wave his hand over the camera - which, he doesn't realize, has a lense longer than his arm. And these are MENSA Americans, mind you - the backbone of the McCain/Palin camp - real patriots with a story to tell. And boy what a story! Glad somebody's got their head screwed on straight this year - and a few Buds under their belt!

Yet, just when you thought things were twisting into another yet unknown surreality, we get Major League Baseball throwing a game back so that Obama can own a "roadblock" on American media for 30 minutes, the night of October 29th. Yep, right here. Hit the link and read all about it. Go figure. America's national pastime being postponed so that we can listen to a 30 minute infomercial by a presidential candidate? Our country must be truly in the shits. Budweiser sold to foreigners - baseball postponed - and that pesky financial bailout business. Jeezuzz. What's next?

Who said you need to be in America to know what's going on? I've got it all covered, right here in the Wild Wild East , from Saigon - site of the last great American victory overseas!

But please don't let my political affiliations or location sway you...if you're a MENSA member, please, vote your conscience - as opposed to your press handlers IQs.

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Kim Jong Il, Ill after threats by Palin!

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- North Korea's Kim Jong Il had brain surgery after a stroke last month and could have partial paralysis on one side, media reports said Thursday.

The stroke was apparently triggered after Sarah Palin stood on the tip of the Aleutian Islands and pointed a rifle at North Korea.

"WTF?", Kim reportedly said before collapsing.

Foreign doctors, possibly from China and France, performed the operation on Kim, 66, said the newspapers Dong-a Ilbo and JoongAng Ilbo. Kim's condition has improved and he is not suffering from slurred speech, a disability often associated with a stroke, the reports said. However, he has suffered from sporadic spasms, an intense craving for anchovy pizza and the need to watch endless showings of "Team America" according to South Korea's largest newspaper, Chosun Ilbo

Kim is the object of an intense personality cult in the totalitarian nation and the sight of him suffering spasms before a massive crowd would be an embarrassment that could undermine that status. He missed a parade Tuesday commemorating the communist state's founding 60 years ago and stayed home to watch a Dragnet box set. "I only hope that any situation happening in DPRK should not affect negatively what has been going on in terms of de-nuclearization process" U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon told a news conference on Thursday at the United Nations. "That soccer mom's gotta be watched", he continued, "She's a real loose cannon!" The McCain camp said little regarding the incident. "John thought she looked hot in that bikini and the flag motif and firearm are consistent with Mr. McCain's foreign policy objectives", they said. "Hell, she didn't pull the trigger", they emphasized, "Kim's just a pussy".

South Korea's main spy agency declined to comment on the reports, only repeating a previous statement that Kim's condition had much improved from an unspecified circulatory problem.

A North Korean news source had this to say: "Our dignified republic exists because Dear General exists," the paper said, referring to Kim, according to the official Korean Central News Agency. "All party members and workers should further unite around the revolutionary leadership."

A cerebral hemorrhage can result in death, paralysis, difficulty in speaking and other disabilities, although if it is minor, recovery is possible without long-term affects. It can also make your pecker really small. Surgery is generally only considered in the most serious cases, he said. Palin's camp would not confirm nor deny any re-constructive surgery on the candidate's breasts before donning the star spangled bikini. "We think they're real", they said, "You just can't make up a Bio like this woman's and we think that means bio-logy too".

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Obama splits ticket - Boots Biden!

"Yer out Joe! You ain't hot!", said Barack Obama at a press conference earlier today. "Shit, we were caught napping", he continued. "When everyone was looking for us to buck up our experience in foreign policy and other bullshit, that asshole just grabs a hottie and proceeds to shag her in front of the whole country! I'm major pissed".

McCain's camp was largely silent on the issue. "Yes, she's a hot biotch, but what's yer friggin' point?"

Obama went on to describe how he felt about Biden's significant experience but lack of photographic sex appeal. "Look, he's got the street-cred but you wouldn't wanna shag this bloke after ten beers ... would you? Of course not!"

"Geez," he continued, "I'm a black man for Chrissakes! If I don't have some hot white chick on my ticket everyone will think I've got a "not-blackman-like-pee-pee!" - It's just fucking embarrassing. I've got hip-hop stars to impress. That's all I have to say".

"That's all the questions for Mr. Obama", said a staff spokesperson.

Speculation on Obama's potential running mate are running from Britney-bald-farcking-Spears to Jessica Rabbit. Who knows?


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Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas!

"I was disappointed to learn that Anheuser-Busch has agreed to be sold to InBev. Anheuser-Busch is an American icon and this sale could threaten thousands of rednecks in Missouri," Obama said in a statement. "While we cannot and should not pass a law to prevent this kind of sale, we could have and should have done everything possible to have found an American buyer and kept both the bubba's and poor black men drinking our home brew," Obama said.

"That means laying the right conditions for a stronger American economy instead of letting a bunch of Belgians brew our beer and control our lowest IQ level citizens."

"Personally, I'm going to start drinking anything that's not a Bud or a Miller, cause they're owned by foreigners", he continued, "and I'm going to start smoking Marlboros, just because we make em'."

"Ya know we hommies gotta stick together," he stated further, feeling more and more himself as he downed yet another frosty St. Louis beverage. "This change crap was just a campaign gimmick. I don't wanna change no brewski brotha! Yo, gimme a break cracka! You think I meant throw the baby out with the bathwater? Nah. I just wanted dat ho, Billary, off mah back."

John McCain immediately called Obama a delusional alcoholic Nigerian, as McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, stands to reap a windfall benefit from the sale of Anheiser-Busch. Cindy McCain, together with dependents, owns between 40,000 and 80,000 shares -- figures which were calculated by Reuters. At the offer price of $70 a share, those shares would be worth $2.8 million to $5.6 million.

Neither campaign could be immediately reached for comment.


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Don't Forget to Vote!

a Sorry Hillary supporters, but that girl needed a fork put in her months ago – so you'll just have to find someone else to vote for. a Glad that's over. a But before you think I'm another head-over-heals Obamaphile wait just one damn minute! a I want you to vote for me! Yeah, me! And the place to get that done is none other than here. Right here in the Wild Wild East. And right there in the side-bar – in the readers poll section.aAnd there's only a few days left. The readers poll ends on June 22nd, my birthday, and the results may well determine what kind of shite you'll end up reading for the rest of the summer. a Results so far, from just six of you casting ballots, are pretty interesting, so let's run through the numbers as they stand now and see where things are going – or how YOU could change things in the next week. a Clocking in at 0% are "Brain Surgery" and "Mary Magdeline's Gosple" so it's pretty certain our readers have perfectly functioning brains that didn't buy any of that DaVinci Code bunk. a Bringing up the rear at just 16% currently, are "My Taxes", "Things you can't get anywhere else" and "Marketing" proving once and for all that all the money I've paid in taxes from my marketing work is of no interest to anyone even though it's a figure you couldn't get anywhere else. a Holding up the middle though, at 33% are "Advertising", "Social Marketing" and "Gary Glitter's Prison Time" going once again to support the idea that even middle-aged pedophiles with pompador hairpieces are of reasonable advertising and social marketing value once they get thrown in the Vietnamese poky and get a little poky thrown at em' themselves. Go get im' boys! Gary's in the house! a Rounding out the numbers and striking a very respectable 66% is interest in "Vietnam and Asia" ... and that's one of those numbers that make you wanna go hmmm. a Hmmm, all that writing about little alleys, odd food, crusty prostitutes stealing my phone and Bentleys falling from the sky seems to be paying off! Hmmm. a Beats writing another sexpat tome about Southeast Asia. Guess I'll have to leave that to Vanity Fair. a And don't forget to vote! This is at least one world you CAN change! a