Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Obama Sends 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods' House - Woods: "I won't come out!"

West Point, Obama,  Tiger Woods, Political Satire, Orlando, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Elin Woods, West Point, New York (CNN) -- President Obama said Tuesday that the deployment of 30,000 U.S. troops to Florida is part of a strategy to reverse Tiger Wood's 'transgressions' with cocktail waitresses and stabilize the country's government.
In regard to the polo playing party crashers from Virginia and Woods being linked he further stated, "There is no imminent threat of the government being overthrown, but this crap has gone far enough," Obama said at the U.S. Military Academy. "Tiger has not re-emerged but I feel the need to protect the national security of all cocktail waitresses". Obama said he'd begin sending the additional troops "at the fastest pace possible" starting like yesterday "with a goal of getting Woods to withdraw all his wood from all cocktail waitresses by July 2011."

Woods, responding from his bunker-buster-proof 3 million dollar home near Orlando, Re-Tweeted, about 10 times,
"For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives - now my brotha's sending in the fucking #Army. Jeeziz." - "How many characters is 140, @Elin?"

The president said additional U.S. forces bolstered by NATO troops "will allow us to accelerate Tiger's removal from the home." Senior administration officials said Tuesday that Obama has a goal of withdrawing most U.S. forces from Woods' home by the end of his current term, which ends in January 2013.
"Do you have any idea how many golf tournaments this guy's won? If he turns that weapon on all the hostesses and barmaids on this planet, we'll have a pandemic on our hands.", he reiterated. Secretary of state Hillary Clinton backed up Obama. "I've seen this shit before with Bill. You've gotta nip it in the bud!"
The Rev. Jesse Jackson offered to counsel the Woods, as he did the Clintons, but calls from his office were not immediately returned by Woods.

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