T H E W I L D W I L D E A S T D A I L I E S: Alaska

Showing posts with label Alaska. Show all posts

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Did Sarah Palin Just Nuke Herself? The Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz VI

In a departure from our normal Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz we have given our customary Vietnamese Ph.D.s, a break (and boy did they need it) and invited, soon to be, ex-governor of Alaska, the honorable Sarah Palin to be our guest physicist for the day. She quits her job tomorrow, you know. Oh, sure, we know she's not Vietnamese and a little older than our usually tasty authorities but hell, look at the bazoombas on that girl. We think she can handle the atoms around here. So let's let this soccer mom rip! Below, you'll find a question in Bold Faced Type. Consider the question, come up with your answer, and then "mouse over" (just roll the cursor over it - don't click) the question to reveal our physicist's answer. Should you disagree with it, we'll be more than happy to have Sarah check that harpoon you're holding all by yourself.

"Why did I quit my job and nuke my tits?"

For more quizzes, check here:

Iran's Ahmadinedschad - The Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz VII
Did Sarah Palin Just Nuke Herself? - The Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz VI
Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz V
Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz IV
Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz III
Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz II
Vietnamese Nuclear Physics Quiz I.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Putin: Hot as hell over Palin!

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has expressed outrage at reports that Palin wore a star-spangled bikini and pointed a firearm at his friend, Kim Jong Il, in North Korea

After talks near a place where he can also see America, with his Alaskan counterpart Sarah Palin, he said that if such reports were confirmed, they constituted a "crime".

Ms Palin said she was confident the reports would prove unfounded.

"That was all Photoshop you idiot", she said. "This shit happens all the time in America when Hockey Moms run for office".
While they didn't mention any figures at their meeting, Putin thought privately that Palin had a good one. "It wouldn't take a bottle of Stoli for me to jump her", he mused to an aide.

'A crime'

Pointing to a report published in Russia's Izvestiya newspaper this week, Mr Putin said Alaskan weapons and military experts may have been used in combat against Russian troops during the brief war with Georgia in August.

"If this is confirmed, this will be what I have called a crime - I could swear I saw a bunch of eskimos running around with harpoons on snow machines."

If Russia received proof of Alaska's involvement, Moscow would "build its relations accordingly with those who allowed this to happen", he said.

Ms Palin said she was confident that "such facts [would] not be confirmed - my husband was ice fishing", she defended.

Correspondents say Mr Putin is aware that Ms Palin is not responsible for Alaska's defence policy, and that his criticism amounted to an attack on the Republican men driving the bus.

"She can't see fuck all from Alaska, much less hit anything - but Bush thought he saw WMDs in Iraq and look what he did - I don't take anything lightly anymore - these people are all delusional".

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:

White House Party Crashers Board Plane Loaded!

Pope Prays For Embattled Putter's Promiscuous Pecker: Tiger Woods Pardoned

Obama Sends 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods' House!

Obama's Puppy in Rehab After Just a Week

Recession Profit Stategies II

Recession Profit Strategies I

Bush Surveys Presidential Disaster Area

MENSA Endorses McCain/Palin

Putin Hot As Hell Over Palin

SNL Palin/Hillary Open

Cheney Delivers 1 Billion in Aid to Georgia

Obama Splits Ticket - Boots Biden

Belgian Prime Minister Quits Over Budweiser Purchase

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas

American Foreign Policy Since WWII

America Overseas - Citizen Mekong to the Rescue

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Cheney delivers 1 Billion in aid to Georgia!

BAKU, Azerbaijan — The Bush administration plans to announce a $1 billion package of aid to help rebuild Georgia as Vice President Dick Cheney arrived in the region to signal support for Georgia.

Wait! Was Georgia damaged by a hurricane? Or are they just full of rednecks and yokels who destroyed the place? Well, of course not you dipshit. This is money our government would like to give to the former Soviet Georgia, and it's about a half a billion shy of what we gave to Katrina victims after the disaster in Louisiana. Chump change folks.

The aid — along with Mr. Cheney’s visit — is sure to increase tensions with Russia (no shit), whose leaders have accused the United States of stoking the conflict with Georgia over its two separatist regions, by providing weapons and training to the Georgians. Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin has also complained that humanitarian supplies delivered by the American Navy and Air Force since Russian forces routed Georgian forces and occupied parts of the country were a disguise for delivering new weapons.

Geez. I can't believe that! I think it was just Cheetos & Twinkies. "Well, okay, the Cheetos had little squirtgun premiums inside", said a State Department spokesperson, "but even Cheney couldn't hit anything with em".

Administration officials have dismissed those accusations as baseless.

The aid package reflects an intensification of the administration’s support for Georgia, though President Bush and his senior advisors have yet to settle on why we're not doing fuck all about the continuing shit in Thailand, a country we let Democracy and Liberty fall to a military coup without lifting a friggin' finger.

Mr. Cheney is scheduled to visit Georgia on Thursday, followed by Ukraine. He will reportedly give the Ukrainians some Slinkies & Yo-yos.

Azerbaijan, like Georgia, is a former Soviet republic that has sought closer ties to the West and the United States because of all the rednecks living there, and it is considered a vital crossroads for oil and gas from the Caspian Sea. Underscoring the point, Mr. Cheney’s first meetings here in Baku were with representatives of two international oil companies: William Schrader of BP Azerbaijan and Robert Satmalchi of Chevron, according to a spokeswoman, Megan M. Mitchell, a girl who looks amazingly like Daisy Duke.

Premier Putin immediately earmarked another billion at least to back Republican VP Candidate Sarah Palin's formerly aborted campaign for Alaska to secede from the US and said, "Touche, Georgie boy! You wanna mess with my hood, I be messin' wid yours!"

Neither government would confirm squat about any of this nonsense, but on the QT: It's all fucking true!

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:

White House Party Crashers Board Plane Loaded!

Pope Prays For Embattled Putter's Promiscuous Pecker: Tiger Woods Pardoned

Obama Sends 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods' House!

Obama's Puppy in Rehab After Just a Week

Recession Profit Stategies II

Recession Profit Strategies I

Bush Surveys Presidential Disaster Area

MENSA Endorses McCain/Palin

Putin Hot As Hell Over Palin

SNL Palin/Hillary Open

Cheney Delivers 1 Billion in Aid to Georgia

Obama Splits Ticket - Boots Biden

Belgian Prime Minister Quits Over Budweiser Purchase

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas

American Foreign Policy Since WWII

America Overseas - Citizen Mekong to the Rescue

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Obama splits ticket - Boots Biden!

"Yer out Joe! You ain't hot!", said Barack Obama at a press conference earlier today. "Shit, we were caught napping", he continued. "When everyone was looking for us to buck up our experience in foreign policy and other bullshit, that asshole just grabs a hottie and proceeds to shag her in front of the whole country! I'm major pissed".

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McCain's camp was largely silent on the issue. "Yes, she's a hot biotch, but what's yer friggin' point?"

Obama went on to describe how he felt about Biden's significant experience but lack of photographic sex appeal. "Look, he's got the street-cred but you wouldn't wanna shag this bloke after ten beers ... would you? Of course not!"