Big News For Vietnam Banks - Welcome To The World

StanChart and HSBC set for Vietnam growth

By Sundeep Tucker in Hong Kong
Published: September 10 2008 03:00 Last updated: September 10 2008 03:00

HSBC and Standard Chartered are gearing up to expand their operations in Vietnam after securing approval to be the first overseas banks to incorporate their local operations in the fast-growing economy.

The State Bank of Vietnam yesterday awarded each a license to apply to open wholly owned units in the country, honouring a pledge it made when it joined the World Trade Organisation last year. Some 40 foreign banks account for less than 15 per cent of total lending in Vietnam and local incorporation will give HSBC and StandardChartered a head start on foreign rivals.

Thanks to Fred Becker, our man in London, for this story from the Financial Times. You can read the whole story here: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/de4bf6c8-7e90-11dd-b1af-000077b07658.html As an interesting tidbit, HSBC has been involved in Vietnam since 1870. Bet you didn't know that! StandardChartered followed with a branch in 1904.

Sweet Dreams II: Strange Dreams - Interpretation please?

1) Is there a map that puts Canada, Korea and Michigan on the same continent? I work there running a company. 2) I am fishing and getting a million little fish (pictured) in a sieve to bring to market. They tell me the owner is very happy. My catch is appreciated. And a previous Korean girlfriend (pictured) walks in a diaphonous coctail dress looking sexy and exuding a confidence she never actually had, with funny old Mrs. Woo looking like an old Cheju Island statue (pictured) with a faker than fake smile chiseled on her face. Dominick, my old friend and past financial advisor just hangs his head in this parade of ghosts wearing a trench coat and too shy to look me in the eye. I bark at Mrs. Woo and tell her to "stop smiling" (Koreans smile when they are lying or embarrased). But they are all walking parallel to me as if separated by a fence or moat. 4) They say Mr. somebody, Mr. somebody works in Korea and Canada but lives in Michigan. I can see a map. They are all next to each other. 5) I see signs being hung, as if at Pike's Place Market in Seattle for fish, sausages and other fresh items and all the prices are the same as the US but it is not the US. It is dreamland. 6) I don't know anything about Canada. How did I end up here?

For more Sweet Dreams Click below:

VI: I Woke Up Drunk Today
V: Homecoming
IV: All In A Mouse's Night
III: Fragmented Fermentations
II: Strange Dreams
I: White Huskies: Interpretation please?

The Absolutely Scary Farking Future of Advertising!

This photo essay in Cracked.com is absolutely wonderful! And damn funny to boot. Make sure to check it out here. Or just read more funny shit here on the WWED. http://www.cracked.com/article_16614_terrifying-inevitable-future-advertising.html

Cheney delivers 1 Billion in aid to Georgia!

BAKU, Azerbaijan — The Bush administration plans to announce a $1 billion package of aid to help rebuild Georgia as Vice President Dick Cheney arrived in the region to signal support for Georgia.

Wait! Was Georgia damaged by a hurricane? Or are they just full of rednecks and yokels who destroyed the place? Well, of course not you dipshit. This is money our government would like to give to the former Soviet Georgia, and it's about a half a billion shy of what we gave to Katrina victims after the disaster in Louisiana. Chump change folks.


The aid — along with Mr. Cheney’s visit — is sure to increase tensions with Russia (no shit), whose leaders have accused the United States of stoking the conflict with Georgia over its two separatist regions, by providing weapons and training to the Georgians. Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin has also complained that humanitarian supplies delivered by the American Navy and Air Force since Russian forces routed Georgian forces and occupied parts of the country were a disguise for delivering new weapons.

Geez. I can't believe that! I think it was just Cheetos & Twinkies. "Well, okay, the Cheetos had little squirtgun premiums inside", said a State Department spokesperson, "but even Cheney couldn't hit anything with em".

Administration officials have dismissed those accusations as baseless.


The aid package reflects an intensification of the administration’s support for Georgia, though President Bush and his senior advisors have yet to settle on why we're not doing fuck all about the continuing shit in Thailand, a country we let Democracy and Liberty fall to a military coup without lifting a friggin' finger.


Mr. Cheney is scheduled to visit Georgia on Thursday, followed by Ukraine. He will reportedly give the Ukrainians some Slinkies & Yo-yos.


Azerbaijan, like Georgia, is a former Soviet republic that has sought closer ties to the West and the United States because of all the rednecks living there, and it is considered a vital crossroads for oil and gas from the Caspian Sea. Underscoring the point, Mr. Cheney’s first meetings here in Baku were with representatives of two international oil companies: William Schrader of BP Azerbaijan and Robert Satmalchi of Chevron, according to a spokeswoman, Megan M. Mitchell, a girl who looks amazingly like Daisy Duke.


Premier Putin immediately earmarked another billion at least to back Republican VP Candidate Sarah Palin's formerly aborted campaign for Alaska to secede from the US and said, "Touche, Georgie boy! You wanna mess with my hood, I be messin' wid yours!"


Neither government would confirm squat about any of this nonsense, but on the QT: It's all fucking true!

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:

White House Party Crashers Board Plane Loaded!

Pope Prays For Embattled Putter's Promiscuous Pecker: Tiger Woods Pardoned

Obama Sends 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods' House!

Obama's Puppy in Rehab After Just a Week

Recession Profit Stategies II

Recession Profit Strategies I

Bush Surveys Presidential Disaster Area

MENSA Endorses McCain/Palin

Putin Hot As Hell Over Palin

SNL Palin/Hillary Open

Cheney Delivers 1 Billion in Aid to Georgia

Obama Splits Ticket - Boots Biden

Belgian Prime Minister Quits Over Budweiser Purchase

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas

American Foreign Policy Since WWII

America Overseas - Citizen Mekong to the Rescue

Chomsky on Colour & Sleep - Perspective X: The Little Things IV.2

"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"

1) He told me to take the #4 on return from the meeting, but on a hot city street with all the busses going in same direction the #104 looks just as good to a man longing for a little aircon with a misguided sense that he understands this grand flowering plant that is Saigon. It is, of course, the wrong bus. I simply rode it until I could recognize some sort of roundabout or landmark that would give me some bearing. And in a city literally choked with roundabouts, Temples and skinny four to ten storey buildings, real landmarks are few and far between. The first one I saw took about an hour to pop up, so I popped out and made my way home from there, an easy 10km off my mark. 2) One would never think to choose Vietnam as the place to decide you wanted to become a connoiseur of gnochi gorgonzola but I have oddly become one and just blocks away from my house. I can't imagine who taught them how to make the stuff. Was there an Italian contigent in here helping them to fight off the French after WWII? Or maybe just the chefs fleeing a war-torn Europe. In my case today the portion comes served in a big bowl with a side of shaved parma and another side of very nicely done bruschetta. The gnochi, never a standard size or consistency from restaurant to restaurant, seem homemade and today's entry has been garnished by me with a little hot chili oil from the "goodies" basket that accompanies each order. Damn that's tasty. As good as I ever had in Chicago with Capone's decendants manning the kitchens. 3) Been thinking about WWII recently and the reasons so, so many people died before America entered and finally put an end to things. I've also been thinking about the conditions imposed on the Germans at the close of WWI and considering how logical it would have been for the German people to have supported somebody/anybody who was promising to end the misery of paying off the reparations of the Treaty of Versailles. The Versailles Reparations came in a variety of forms, including coal, steel, intellectual property (eg. the patent for Aspirin) and agricultural products, in no small part because payments of that magnitude were just impossible. As it were, currency reparations were forcast to 1988 already. All this I have been thinking in light of having read the first few pages of Noam Chomsky's "Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance (2003)" recently, as a friend has been carrying around a copy - and all this love we've got going on in America over our upcoming fair and Democratic elections takes on a whole lot less of a lustre. But rather than lecture or get on a soapbox today, I'll just suggest a little real reading into America's motivations over the previous century and wonder about the future - a century with a distinct Asian political element, economically missing from the last one. 4) Nobody is really sitting around waiting for HBO to put "Field of Dreams" on at 2am but today is Vietnam's Independence Day celebration so I had nothing better to do last night when it came on. And lo and behold, it was oddly just what I needed in a week where things are professionally transitional and less than assured - a movie that highlights making the impossible possible and giving hope to those some of us who have made rather serious past life decisions with reasonably less than serious research and quite possibly just a sketch of where it was we thought we were going when we made those decisions. I slept quite a bit better for having seen it and wondered quite how the producers were able to get the legal permissions for the writing of the Terance Mann character, until I read that he was not real but only based loosely on J.D. Salinger. 5) I finish today with the beginnings of an idea I'd like to get WPP to be a part of - the idea of involving itself corporately and quite seriously in the beginning of putting real media and education programs into the Universities, not just here in Vietnam but also in the many developing markets where they are serving and growing. As many corporations are asking themselves how they can better serve the communities in which they harvest some sometimes very large fortunes, it seems that the idea of education is not only corporately honourable but ultimately beneficial to all involved. The countries need modern education and WPP needs future, well trained employees. The math is easy. Google the letters WPP, along with the words Education/Scholarship or University and you won't come up with much. A huge opportunity awaits the smart companies methinks.

P.S. As a sign-off I'll provide a clue to the meaning of the opening sentence to this post from Noam Chomsky. It seems to be exactly what the American government has been doing in regard to the positioning of our involvement in Iraq - speaking in a gramatically correct form, but not making any sense at all. Click the blue for more info...

For more on the "Perspective" or "Little Things" series, click below:

My Morning Wake-Up Call - Perspective XX: The Little Things XII
We'll Have A Gay Old Time - Perspective XIX: The Little Things XII
"Rolled Foggy Disposed Ricepaper" - Perspective XVIII: The Little Things XI
Joyeux Noel - Perspective XVII: The Little Things X
Lunch With Obama - Perspective XVI: The Little Things IX
One Motley Crue On The Bus Today - Perspective XV: The Little Things VIII
Attraction vs. Conversion: How To Power Your Blog - Perspective XIV: The Little Things VII
A glass box full of deep fried chicken heads - Perspective XIII: The Little Things VI
Seoul Searching - Perspective XII
He Would Have Shot Me 40 Years Ago - Perspective XI: The Little Things V
Chomsky on Colour & Sleep - Perspective X: The Little Things IV.2
Running With Scizzors - Perspective IX: The Little Things IV
Henry Miler II - Perspective VIII : The Little Things III.1
Henry Miller - Perspective VII: The Little Things III
Big Brother - Perspective VI: The Little Things II
This Carnival of Life! - Perspective V
The Art Walk - Perspective IV: The Little Things
Bentley #5 - Perspective III.2
Bentley vs. Vespa - Perspective III.1
Bentleys Invade Vietnam - Perspective III
Death Of A Colleague - Perspective II
Perspective

Counterpoint: More on Vietnam Advertising and 26% Inflation

When you turn on Bloomberg and see the main discussion is on the Inflation rate in Vietnam you start to wonder if you really are somewhere. Aside from the dogs eating below my streetside table and whatever other little tidbits I pick up on the culture and business climate from day to day it takes on a whole other perspective when Bloomberg picks it up. Don't they have anything better to do? But add to that the significan't foreign investment here, WPP's entry into the local market and the various and almost breathtaking construction on even the most pedestrian of city streets and the picture grows into one of startling clarity: This shit certainly ain't happening in the United States, or western Europe for that matter. Last week I featured a story from one of the local news dailies, that, like most media stories here, lacked crucial numbers, adequate research and any assembly of fact checking or accountability. Today, I feature a story from Vietnam Business News, a blog on business trends, that sheds a little more light on things and actually does interview a number of people with reasonable command of real numbers. Check it out and paint your own picture. Be sure to include the pooch munching under my table d'hote.

(The story is edited for brevity but you can read the whole thing by clicking on the link, below.)


Sunday, August 31, 2008

Businesses still throwing money into ads, despite high inflation

Experts say advertising turnover has been increasing steadily since the beginning of the year, though a lot of businesses have cut their budgets for advertising campaigns to cope with difficulties. One of the reasons that explain why the turnover of the advertisement industry keeps rising is that businesses’ 2008 financial plans were fixed before and counted expenses for advertisement campaigns. Moreover, enterprises have to maintain advertisement on mass media in order to popularise their products and boost sales in the context of high inflation.

Martin Gil, General Director of Coca Cola Indochina, is one of the people who does not advocate the viewpoint that businesses should cut expenses for advertisement and promotion programmes when they face difficulties. He said that most businesses still spend great sums of money for advertisement so as to retain their market shares.

Tran Thi Thanh Mai, Managing Director of TNS Media, an advertisement company, said that many businesses have cut budgets for advertising and marketing, but others have spent more money on ads, especially ad pieces on new advertisement channels. The new advertisement channels mean taxi cars, outdoor LCD screens and film channels, like Star Movies and HBO, which seem to have attracted a lot of watchers.

Mai said that the reduction in the turnover from traditional advertisement channels does not mean that the turnover from the advertisement industry as a whole has decreased. Turnover from ads will keep rising in 2008, TNS Media has cited. The total turnover from ad pieces on the TV, radio, printed newspapers and journals that TNS Media surveyed in the first six months of the year increased by 16.2% over the same period of last year, reaching $234mil. TV remains the channel that attracts the most ad pieces. It brought in $171mil in turnover, up by 14.3% over the same period of 2007. Meanwhile, ads in print newspapers brought in $42mil (+ 17%), journals $20.4mil (+ 31.2%), radio $828,000 (+ 51.5%, the highest growth rate).

Telecommunication service providers, body care and cosmetics, drinks, food and pharmaceutical producers proved to spend the greatest sums of money on advertisements, $115mil, which represents a 24.9% increase over the same period of 2007. Of these five fields, only the budget for advertising of body care and cosmetics producers saw a decrease, of 3.1%, while the budgets of the other four fields increased by from 6.4% (drinks) to 103% (telecommunications).… and drop in 2009.



Market surveyors forecast that the high inflation and Vietnam’s economic problems will influence the advertisement industry in 2009, since the 2008 business results may prompt small- and medium-size businesses to cut budgets for advertising next year. Mai said that advertisement industry is a service business, the development of which depends greatly on the health of clients and the national economy’s performance. “Therefore, economic problems could be one of the reasons that lead to a reduction of the turnover in the advertisement industry,” she said.

Nevertheless, Mai said that not all companies are trying to cut budgets for advertising. She added that the most important thing is that businesses make wise choices. Experts and advertisement firms estimated that the total turnover of the advertisement industry in 2007 was $500mil, hoping that the turnover will still be satisfactory in 2008 and the next years. The 10 companies that spent the largest sums of money on advertising in the first half of 08, according to TNS Media, were:

Unilever Vietnam,

P&G Vietnam,

Vinamilk,

VMS MobiFone,

Dutch Lady Vietnam,

Tan Hiep Phat Brewery Company,

Nestle Vietnam,

VinaPhone,

Vietnam Brewery Company and

Abbot Laboratories Inc.

The total sum of money the 10 companies spent on advertisements was more than $55.7mil, a decrease of 2.1% over the same period of 2007. Of the 10 companies, Unilever Vietnam spent the most on advertisements and promotion programmes ($19.5mil), while Abbot Laboratories Inc spent the least ($2mil, up by 12.5%). Dutch Lady made the sharpest cut in its advertisement budget with money spent down by 20.3% ($4.5mil). Meanwhile, Vinamilk, also a dairy producer, saw its budget increase most sharply, by 79.3% ($6.5mil). In May 2008, Vinamilk announced a $2mil campaign, with the money spent on using logos and images of Arsenal’s footballers to popularise the Moment coffee trademark. (TBKTSG)

Obama splits ticket - Boots Biden!

"Yer out Joe! You ain't hot!", said Barack Obama at a press conference earlier today. "Shit, we were caught napping", he continued. "When everyone was looking for us to buck up our experience in foreign policy and other bullshit, that asshole just grabs a hottie and proceeds to shag her in front of the whole country! I'm major pissed".

McCain's camp was largely silent on the issue. "Yes, she's a hot biotch, but what's yer friggin' point?"

Obama went on to describe how he felt about Biden's significant experience but lack of photographic sex appeal. "Look, he's got the street-cred but you wouldn't wanna shag this bloke after ten beers ... would you? Of course not!"

"Geez," he continued, "I'm a black man for Chrissakes! If I don't have some hot white chick on my ticket everyone will think I've got a "not-blackman-like-pee-pee!" - It's just fucking embarrassing. I've got hip-hop stars to impress. That's all I have to say".

"That's all the questions for Mr. Obama", said a staff spokesperson.

Speculation on Obama's potential running mate are running from Britney-bald-farcking-Spears to Jessica Rabbit. Who knows?


For more on Obama, click below:

Presidential Puppy In Rehab After Just One Week!
Rick Wagoner Makes History - First CEO To Be Fired By A Sitting President
"I Vote For Black Guy!" - Obamanation II
Lunch With Obama: Perspective XVI - The Little Things IX
A sex Redesign obama For scandal The oprah Wild oral Wild butt East iPhone Dailies
"Yes We Can": Obamanation
MENSA Endorces McCain/Palin
Obama Splits Ticket, Boots Biden!
Belgian Prime Minister Quits Over Budweiser Purchase!
Obama Brandishes a Bud For The Bubbas!

For more in Political Satire and Satire see:

White House Party Crashers Board Plane Loaded!

Pope Prays For Embattled Putter's Promiscuous Pecker: Tiger Woods Pardoned

Obama Sends 30,000 Troops to Tiger Woods' House!

Obama's Puppy in Rehab After Just a Week

Recession Profit Stategies II

Recession Profit Strategies I

Bush Surveys Presidential Disaster Area

MENSA Endorses McCain/Palin

Putin Hot As Hell Over Palin

SNL Palin/Hillary Open

Cheney Delivers 1 Billion in Aid to Georgia

Obama Splits Ticket - Boots Biden

Belgian Prime Minister Quits Over Budweiser Purchase

Obama Brandishes a Bud for the Bubbas

American Foreign Policy Since WWII

America Overseas - Citizen Mekong to the Rescue

Todd Rundgren To Release 'Arena,' - First Studio Album In 4 Years

Sept. 30August 22nd, 2008 7:00pm EDT



Multi-faceted and celebrated recording artist/producer Todd Rundgren is set to release his first full-length record of original studio material in 4 years, entitled Arena on September 30th via newly launched music venture Hi Fi Recordings. Rundgren has been on the road in support of the release on a 20 + U.S. city tour this summer – which kicked off with a week-long celebration in Hawaii, culminating with the first-ever live performance of Arena in its entirety on Todd's birthday, June 22nd. Rundgren will also hit the road in support of Arena this fall in Europe and the UK where the album will be released simultaneously to the U.S. A sneak peak of an exclusive album track 'Mad' will be available on MySpace.com starting on July 15th.


Arena, recorded in Todd's current home state of Hawaii, is yet another notable addition to Rundgren's remarkable career as a performer, songwriter, and producer. The album showcases his unique songwriting style and sonically captures the essence and energy of "arena" rock with bombastic, guitar-driven tunes like "Mountaintop," "Strike" and "Mad," while the anthemic song "Mercenary," transports you to a stadium with its epic chorus, "How Do You Like Me Now?," resounding to every seat in the house.


"I found myself just going out and doing this sort of guerilla guitar quartet thing around the country and around Canada," said Rundgren, "So when it came time to make a record, I thought maybe I'll just continue in that vein and write something that is appropriate to the guitar, since the fans seem to be enjoying it so much."

"So when I decided to write a new album, I knew beforehand it was going to be this kind of old-school guitar-rock record."


Known as a man of musical innovation, Rundgren's latest release draws from his vast and impressive career experiences as a performer, songwriter and producer – including notable achievements on the cutting edge of music and technology such as: the first live nationally broadcast stereo radio concert (by microwave), which linked 40 cities around the country in 1978; the very first two commercially released music videos, one of which was nominated for the first-ever Grammy awarded for "Best Short Form Video" in 1983; and the launch of PatroNet, the world's first direct artist subscription service all of course; and of course there are the timeless hit songs, including 'Hello It's Me', 'I Saw The Light', 'Can We Still be Friends', and 'Bang The Drum.'


With ground-breaking accomplishments under his belt, Rundgren's career boasts additional credits to the aforementioned roles he is most well known for, including video pioneer, computer software developer, conceptualist and, most recently, interactive artist (re-designated TR-i). Given this incredible history and his constant creative state-of-mind, there are undoubtedly many more imaginative horizons for Todd Rundgren to discover.


Listen to the first single, "Mad" (Quicktime)
More Todd Rundgren:Starpulse PageOfficial SiteMySpace Page

Advertising and the Effects of 26% Inflation

From http://www.thanhniennews.com/business/?catid=2&newsid=41212


Vietnam’s advertising sector facing hard sell

Newspaper and television advertising sales are down as businesses react to Vietnam’s high inflation and slower economic growth.

The director of a media planning and buying agency, who wished to be unnamed, said his company’s revenue from advertising had dropped 30 percent over the past few months because some clients had cut spending on advertising. Some businesses that had signed long-term contracts with the agency had recently broken the deals, preferring to pay break fees rather than honoring the deals, she said. The director said her company had several pages of advertising space in newspapers but was not attracting enough ads to fill the space.

Not long ago, Vietnamese TV series were considered a fertile land for commercials. But now businesses, with their tightened advertising budgets, have become less interested in buying air time during TV series, especially after so many serials were panned by both critics and viewers. One advertising executive said a television series produced by his company was set to be aired soon but he cannot find enough clients to sell advertising spots. “We are allocated air time during each episode for commercials and if we cannot find clients we suffer losses,” said the executive, who wished to remain anonymous.

Some agencies have been offering discounted advertising rates so they have some money to pay the production costs of their series. “We have to try everything to attract clients because TV series have become less popular recently,” an advertising agency executive said.
Another agency said it was focusing on selling advertising spots and spaces to large companies first. After it reaches a certain level of sales, the TV channels and newspapers often offer discounted rates, which can then be offered to smaller companies.

Nicole Vooijs, chief executive officer of advertising agency GroupM Vietnam, said her clients used to increase their advertising budgets every year but now she expected some of them will cut this year’s budgets by 1 or 2 percent. Hoang Kim, director of another media planning agency, said his clients had become more demanding lately. They wanted to reduce the size of their advertisements in newspapers, reduce the frequency of television commercials and start promoting their products on radio, he said. Kim said the clients’ decision to cut their advertising budgets was taking a toll on his company’s bottom line.

At a recent seminar in Ho Chi Minh City, Professor John Quelch from Harvard Business School said when businesses cut spending on advertising it did not mean they no longer wanted to promote their products and services.

These businesses needed the help of advertising companies to promote their images in less expensive ways, for example through public relations and sponsorship activities. Vooijs said local businesses often had limited financial resources and didn’t allocate much money to advertising campaigns. She said during the first six to nine month phase of an advertising campaign these businesses could organize events and conferences to present themselves to the public. After assessing the results of the first phase, her advertising company selects the best media platform available to promote their products and services in the long term, Vooijs said.
Sabyasachi Mishra, managing director of LOWE Vietnam, said during a time of economic difficulty people tended to return to their families and so advertising campaigns were most effective when they focused on family values instead of individual heroism.

Also, as a result of price fluctuations, consumers now often choose to buy products that can be used for a long time. Therefore, commercials should highlight the high quality and durability of products, he said. Mishra said advertisements that promoted luxury and the gap between rich and poor may fail to win over the public when times were tough economically.


Source: TBKTS
----------------------------------------------------------

My notes on this: Milk has gone from 12,000 to 21,000 vnd per carton in the last year. A litre and a half of Pepsi jumped from 10,500 to 14,000 overnight at my neighborhood convenience store and my favorite restaurant raised prices by a whopping 50% overnight. So far, the only price that has not gone up has been my fees.

The Vietnam sNews - Nothing Much Happened Again Today in Vietnam: V

Yep, today was boring as usual. A slow news day - so I'm going to spend some time with the local paper, The Vietnam sNews and read it to you - cover to cover.

Let's go!

The Vietnam sNews - all the news the censors say is fit.

Front page:

Headline: British glam rocker Gary Glitter freed in Vietnam

By SUPIN WANNAGOHORNY – 4 days ago

BANGKOK, Thailand (PP) — British glam rocker Gary Glitter was refused entry into Thailand, officials said Wednesday, a day after the convicted child molester was freed by Vietnam following nearly three years in prison.

The 64-year-old Glitter arrived at Bangkok, Thailand's international airport after Vietnam deported him. But he refused to board a connecting flight to London and officials denied him entry into Thailand, a senior immigration official told The Associated Press.

Glitter was confined to an airport transit lounge, police Maj. Gen. Phongded Chaiprawat said. Phongded said he did not known Glitter's next destination but that it was the responsibility of Thai Airways International, the national carrier on which Glitter was flying, to fly him out of Thailand. "Those assholes ought to fly him to hell, that f#%&*^$! pervert", he stated.

Another Thai immigration official at the airport said his department received a note from Vietnam and Interpol requesting that Glitter not be allowed entry into Thailand. "Give him the old cavity search for about 18 hrs.", the note read, "He liked that sort of thing in prison". The official spoke on condition of anonymity since he was not authorized to speak to the press.

The immigration official said Glitter refused to board the London-bound plane, complaining of an ear ache. Immigration officials, he said, gave the airline permission to take Glitter to an airport clinic where the doctor checked his complaint. He was then returned to the airport's lounge with the ear having been removed and put into a jar of formaldahyde for reattachment after the flight. Poofter.

Page 2- Business:

Headline: Smelly seafood industry loves exports

By Khanh Thanh Manh– 4 days ago

HCM CITY — In the first seven months of the year, Viet Nam’s seafood export turnover increased by 200 per cent year on year to US$20.4 billion, according to the Viet Nam Association of Seafood Exporters and Pirates (VASEP). "Geeez, the smell of fish around here is excruciating! You'd think somebody died but we're laughing all the way to the bank", said a representative who wished to remain un-named. In July alone, processors exported over 136,000 tonnes of stinky seafood, worth nearly $476 million, according to VASEP. This is the highest growth rate for quantity and value in the past three hundred years. "This stuff was poor quality anyway. Better to get a bunch of dumb foreigners to eat it than serving it to our own people", the official stated.

Page 3- International:

Headline: Foreign men come by the bazzilions to Vietnam

By Tranh Phanh Schwanh– 4 days ago

(23-08-2008)

HCM CITY — Although this year’s rate of male attraction to Viet Nam is lower than last year’s, the country is still the fiftieth most attractive destination for men among emerging markets, according to the second annual PricewaterhosePoopers (PwP) Emerging Market 20 Index. "You could put your money in Mongolia and chase camels across the Gobi but Vietnam's warmer, has beautiful women and the ability to get over-the-counter drugs that you'd need a court order for in the western world" said an immigrant who wished not to be identified.

"I get a woody just thinkin' about it", he continued. The index shows that the BRIC countries (Brazil, Russia, India and China) continue to offer good opportunities for male investment. However, the results of PwP’s innovative country risk and reward model put Vietnam in a class of it's own. "I chase tail in Vietnam every day and all I ever loose is the cash in my pocket, a celphone or an iPod or two. I'm good to go!"

Page 4 - Finance:

Headline: Cashew cash goes south

By Lanh Quanh Danh– 4 days ago

(23-08-2008)

BINH DINH — Farmers are chopping down cashew plants in the south-central province of Binh Dinh, complaining the crop "ain't worth a hill of beans".

Figures from the province’s agricultural department show that the area under cashew cultivation has shrunk by 10,000 ha this year to 180,000ha. Up to another 20,000ha are forecast to be lost this year.

Farmers say that if the weather is fine a ha of cashew yields 400 kilograms of nuts. At VND10,000-15,000 per kilogram, they earn a profit of a mere VND2-3 million per ha. Ha, ha, ha. "Chicken feed, I'd say", said Tranh Long Dich, an ex-cashew farmer

If the crop is affected by disease, the profit turns into a loss, they points out.

With the plants usually grown on hilly land in Binh Dinh Province, they find it hard to apply intensive farming. If there is heavy rain during the time the plants blossom, they bear few fruit, leading to even lower productivity. "This is crap", said another local farmer, "I'm going to Saigon to open a massage parlour. I'm getting a line to Amex and will just bleed expat foreigners coming in here on fat corporate contracts. Now that's a living I tell ya. Screw cashews."

Page 5 - Leisure:

Headline: Belly dancing boyz bare their buttons

By Zanh Xuanh Nanh– 4 days ago

(23-08-2008)

I almost didn’t recognise Nguyen Manh, an office worker, when he changed from business attire to an Arabian dress, adorned with bells and baring his midriff. He is getting ready for his belly dance class with South Korean dance teacher Ara Hwang, who is considered to have first introduced Viet Nam to belly dancing. Many men like Manh are taking up belly dancing as a new fitness and beauty trend in Ha Noi and HCM City. "Being gay used to be a problem in Vietnam but no longer", he said. "Now chicks dig me!"

Lan finds office work repetitive and stressful, he was first attracted to belly dancing as a way to relax, but has since discovered other benefits. He has been belly dancing for over a year, and while other students go to one class a week, he attends at least four.

"Practising once a week is not enough to remember the dance movements, I have to practice regularly," he says.

"Belly dance is not so much for fitness or weight loss, if I just wanted to lose weight, I would go to aerobics class, but I'm gay so all I care about is meeting men who want have rabid uncontrolled wild sex with me!" says Lan. "I love belly dance because it makes me love my body and discover my true self."

Disclaimer: Of course none of this is real. Are you a bleeding idiot? No animals were hurt in the making of this blog. None of the people except Gary Glitter are real. This is satire. Deal with it.

For more in the "Nothing much happened" series, check below:

VIII People Are Just Dieing To Get Out of Here
VII The Hair Job
VI Happy New Year! Chúc Mừng Năm Mới!
V The Vietnam sNews
IV At The Center of Miss Universe
III My Walk in the Park Today
II The Stevie Wonder Post
I Ear Cleaning